5 Intimacy Tips That Will Actually Improve Your Sex Life For Couples

If your sex life feels off lately—or just not what it used to be—you’re not alone. This is something so many couples experience, especially as life gets busier, routines settle in, and stress piles up.

But here’s the good news: when intimacy fades, it’s rarely because attraction is gone.

More often than not, it’s a lack of connection.

Sex doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s deeply tied to how safe, seen, wanted, and emotionally connected you feel with your partner. That’s why focusing only on “fixing sex” often doesn’t work. What does work is strengthening intimacy in ways that naturally make desire feel easier and more organic.

Below are five intimacy tips that don’t just improve your relationship—they make sex better, too.

Great Sex Doesn’t Start in the Bedroom

Before we dive into the tips, let’s clear up a common misconception.

Great sex doesn’t start with technique, positions, or even foreplay.

It starts with:

• Feeling wanted by your partner

• Feeling emotionally safe

• Feeling open to trying

• Feeling comfortable being fully yourself

When those pieces are in place, physical intimacy flows more naturally. When they’re missing, sex can start to feel forced, pressured, or disconnected—no matter how much you care about each other.

With that foundation in mind, let’s get into the tips.

Tip #1: Create Non-Sexual Touch Practices

One of the biggest intimacy killers in long-term relationships is when touch only happens if it leads to sex.

When every hug, kiss, or cuddle feels like it comes with an expectation, it can actually make people pull away from physical contact altogether. Over time, this creates distance—even if both partners want closeness.

Non-sexual touch helps rebuild safety and comfort.

Simple, everyday examples include:

• Holding hands in the car

• A gentle squeeze on the thigh or butt as your partner walks by

• A quick kiss when passing each other

• Rubbing their arm while talking or listening

  
  

These small moments might seem insignificant, but they send a powerful message: “I like being close to you—not just for sex.”

That message creates emotional safety, and emotional safety is one of the biggest drivers of desire.

When touch feels safe again, intimacy starts to return naturally instead of being something you have to force.

Tip #2: Prioritize Emotional Foreplay

Emotional foreplay is one of the most overlooked—but most important—parts of a healthy sex life.

Emotional foreplay is the act of building connection, trust, and closeness through non-physical means, such as:

• Meaningful conversations

• Vulnerability

• Feeling heard and understood

• Genuine compliments and affection

When someone feels emotionally close to you, their body is far more open to physical intimacy.

Think of emotional foreplay as warming up the mind and heart before the body ever gets involved.

A few simple ways to practice emotional foreplay:

• Send a thoughtful text during the day like:

  • “I can’t wait to see you later.”

  • “You looked really good this morning.”

  • “I’ve been thinking about you.”

• Ask open-ended questions and actually listen to the answers

• Share how you’re feeling instead of keeping everything bottled up

When emotional needs are met, sex stops feeling like pressure or obligation—and starts feeling like a natural extension of connection.

Tip #3: Schedule Intimacy (Yes, Really)

Scheduling intimacy might not sound romantic at first, but it’s one of the most effective ways to reconnect—especially for busy couples.

Here’s the key thing to remember: intimacy doesn’t only mean sex.

Intimacy is about feeling close—emotionally and physically.

Scheduling time for intimacy could look like:

• A weekly date night

• A stay-in movie night

• Uninterrupted conversation

• Cuddling, kissing, or sex

Putting intimacy on the calendar:

• Gives you something to look forward to

• Removes the pressure of guessing when it will happen

• Allows both partners time to mentally and emotionally warm up

Desire often needs space and anticipation to grow. Scheduling intimacy creates that space instead of relying on spontaneity alone—especially when life is full.

Rather than killing the mood, it often protects it.

Tip #4: Spend More Time in Foreplay

One of the quickest ways couples can improve their sex life is by simply taking more time during foreplay.

Foreplay isn’t a formality—it’s essential.

When you slow down, you give your body time to:

• Relax

• Feel safe

• Build arousal naturally

Rushing straight to the main event can leave one or both partners feeling disconnected or unsatisfied. Taking your time allows pleasure to build and helps both partners feel more present.

This is also where sexual wellness tools can be incredibly helpful.

When used intentionally, sexual wellness tools can:

• Help the body relax

• Increase awareness of arousal

• Introduce new sensations

• Support connection rather than replace it

The goal isn’t performance—it’s presence.

When foreplay gets the time it deserves, sex doesn’t just feel better. The connection deepens, too.

Tip #5: Take Performance Off the Table

Performance pressure is one of the biggest reasons people feel disconnected during sex.

When sex becomes about:

• Doing it “right”

• Meeting expectations

• Proving something

…it stops being about feeling.

When you remove performance from the equation, something powerful happens:

• Your body relaxes

• Anxiety decreases

• Desire has room to show up naturally

Sex becomes playful again instead of stressful.

You don’t have to impress your partner to be close to them. You just have to be present.

The Big Takeaway

Better sex isn’t about tricks, trends, or trying harder.

It’s about:

• Connection

• Communication

• Emotional safety

• Feeling wanted and seen

When intimacy is nurtured outside the bedroom, desire doesn’t feel like something you have to chase. It starts to return on its own.

If you’re curious about sexual wellness tools that support connection instead of replacing it, we’ve linked some of our favorites to explore together.

And remember—intimacy, and great sex, can absolutely be rebuilt. It starts with small, intentional moments that bring you closer, one step at a time.