How to Talk Dirty With Confidence (Even If You Feel Awkward)

Candace Aloway
1 day ago
6 min read

Dirty talk is one of those things that sounds hot in theory. Then you try it, and your brain goes blank, you feel awkward, or you say something that does not feel like you. If that sounds familiar, that is completely understandable. Dirty talk feels awkward at first for a lot of people.

Dirty talk is a skill. It gets easier with practice, comfort, and a little structure.

This blog will help you:

Understand why dirty talk feels awkward at first.
Learn how to talk dirty in a way that fits your personality.
Build confidence so your words feel sexy instead of forced.
Get real examples you can use tonight.

Why dirty talk feels awkward for so many people

A lot of us grew up with very little practice talking about sex out loud. We learned how to hint, joke, or stay quiet instead of saying what we want directly. So when you try dirty talk, old thoughts can pop up fast, like:

“This sounds weird coming out of my mouth.”
“What if I say something and it kills the vibe?”
“What if my partner laughs or thinks I am doing too much?”

Dirty talk can feel intense because it puts your desire out in the open. You are letting your partner hear what you want, and that can feel vulnerable at first. Go for what feels true in your body, not what sounds impressive. The hottest dirty talk sounds like you, turned on, comfortable, and in the moment.

Start with the safest version of dirty talk

A lot of people think dirty talk has to start with the wildest, most explicit thing ands it doesn't. Dirty talk has levels. Start with what feels natural for you, then slowly turn the heat up from there.

Level 1: Warm and flirty

This is perfect if you want to start without feeling shocked by your own mouth.

“I have been thinking about you all day.”
“You look so good right now.”
“Come closer. I want you.”
“I missed your body.”

Level 2: Praise and validation

This builds confidence for both of you. It also makes your partner feel powerful, wanted, and sexy.

“You feel so good.”
“I love when you touch me like that.”
“You are turning me on so much.”
“Do not stop. That is perfect.”

Level 3: Desire and want

This is where it starts to get more erotic, but still natural.

“I want you inside me.”
“I want your mouth on me.”
“I need you so bad.”
“I want you to take your time with me.”

Level 4: Direction and control

This is where things get spicy fast, because you are guiding the moment.

“Slower.”
“Harder.”
“Right there.”
“Stay there.”
“Grab my hips.”
“Hold my hands above my head.”

You can talk dirty without ever saying anything extreme. Sometimes the hottest dirty talk is simply confident direction.

Dirty talk starts before sex. Not during sex.

If you wait until you are already naked and nervous, you might freeze. Confidence comes from warming up your voice earlier in the day, when you are not under pressure.

Try these low-pressure “pre-game” texts:

“I keep thinking about how you kissed me last night.”
“I want you later.”
“Tonight I want you to take your time with me.”
“I am going to be a problem when you get home.”

Even if you only send one sentence, it puts dirty talk into the relationship without forcing you to suddenly act brand new in the bedroom.

How to talk dirty when you feel shy or embarrassed

If you feel shy, let that be part of the moment. Lean into it instead of trying to erase it. Shy dirty talk is extremely sexy when you own it. Your partner does not need you to sound fearless. They need you to sound real.

Try lines that include your honesty:

“I feel a little shy saying this, but I want you so bad.”
“I do not usually talk like this, but you are turning me on.”
“I want to tell you what I want. Are you open to that?”
“I want to try dirty talk tonight. Will you help me?”

That last one is powerful because it turns dirty talk into something you build together, not something you perform alone.

The easiest formula for dirty talk that never feels forced

If your mind goes blank, use this simple structure:

Say what you like.
“I love when you do that.”
“That feels so good.”
Say what you want next.
“I want you to keep going.”
“I want your mouth on me.”
“I want you deeper.”
Say what it does to you.
“You are making me wet.”
“You are making me ache.”
“I am so turned on right now.”

This works because it is based on what is already happening. You are narrating your pleasure and that will always sound natural.

Choose your dirty talk style. Do not copy someone else’s.

women about to kiss a man. talking dirty

Dirty talk lands best when it matches your personality. Here are four common styles. Most people use a mix.

Sweet and sensual

This is intimate, romantic, slow heat.

“I want to feel you close.”
“I love being yours.”
“Kiss me deeper.”
“Stay with me. Do not rush.”

Praise and worship

This is confidence-building and hot.

“You are so sexy.”
“You feel amazing.”
“I love your body.”
“You are doing such a good job.”

Raw and explicit

This is direct, bold, and physical.

“I want you inside me.”
“I want your mouth on my pussy.”
“Fuck me slower.”
“I want you to use your fingers.”

Direction and dominance

This is about control and intensity. Consent matters a lot here.

“Get on your knees.”
“Hold still.”
“Look at me.”
“Do exactly what I tell you.”

Pick one style to try first. When you try to do every style at once, you can feel fake.

Consent and boundaries make dirty talk hotter

Dirty talk should feel exciting and not stressful. A quick check-in can make both partners feel safer, which usually makes the dirty talk bolder.

“Do you like when I talk like this?”
“Do you want it sweeter or dirtier?”
“Are there any words you do not like?”
“Do you want me to tell you what I want right now?”

If there are words that feel uncomfortable, choose substitutes. You do not have to use any specific body words to be sexy.

Examples of swaps:

If “pussy” feels too intense, try “between my legs” or “right there.”
If “cock” feels too porn-ish, try “you” or “that” or “inside me.”
If “daddy” feels weird, skip it.

Your comfort matters. Dirty talk is supposed to turn you on too.

What to say in the moment when you are nervous

If you want confidence fast, focus on short phrases. Short dirty talk is often the hottest because it sounds urgent and real.

“Right there.”
“Do not stop.”
“Just like that.”
“I need you.”
“More.”
“Mine.”
“Again.”

You can also whisper instead of speaking loudly. Whispering can feel safer and more erotic.

How to build confidence over time

Confidence comes from small wins that stack up. Here is a simple practice plan:

Practice 1: Start with one sentence per week

Pick one line. Use it during sex once a week until it feels normal.

Practice 2: Use a “yes list” with your partner

Three phrases you love hearing.
Three phrases you are open to trying.
Three phrases you do not want.

This keeps it clear, lowers the awkwardness, and helps both of you feel safe trying new things.

Practice 3: Compliment out loud outside the bedroom

Dirty talk is easier when you practice speaking desire in everyday life.

“You smell so good.”
“I love your hands.”
“You look sexy in that.”

When you get used to saying desire out loud, dirty talk becomes a natural next step.

Common dirty talk mistakes that kill the vibe

These are normal mistakes.

Trying to sound like porn instead of sounding like you.
Going too intense too fast.
Talking nonstop because silence feels scary.
Using insults without consent.
Using words you secretly hate.

Dirty talk is not a script you recite, it's communication. Pause when you need to. and laugh if something comes out wrong.

If you say something awkward, do this

You do not need to shut down or apologize a hundred times. Keep it simple and keep the moment moving.

“Okay that was not my best line, but I meant what I said.”
“I am nervous, but I want to keep going.”
“Let me try again.”

Most partners are not judging you. They are usually just happy you are trying.

A simple dirty talk starter kit you can screenshot

If you want a quick set of lines that feel natural, start here:

Soft and sexy

“Come here. I want you.”
“Kiss me slower.”
“I want to feel you.”

Praise

“You feel so good.”
“You are turning me on.”
“I love how you touch me.”

Desire

“I want you inside me.”
“I want your mouth on me.”
“I need you so bad.”

Direction

“Right there.”
“Harder.”
“Do not stop.”
“Keep your hand there.”

Conclusion: Dirty talk is confidence plus comfort

Dirty talk is not about being the freakiest person alive. It is about letting your partner hear your desire, your pleasure, and your confidence in real time. Start simple, stay honest, and let your voice warm up slowly. The more you practice, the more your body will learn that it is safe to speak.

Once your body feels safe, your mouth gets a lot more dangerous.