Exploring Kinks Together: Where to Start

So… you’ve been thinking about spicing things up in the bedroom. Maybe you’ve stumbled across a steamy TikTok, a scandalous article, or heard your friend casually drop the word “kink” over cocktails. Now your curiosity is officially piqued.

If your partner’s on board—or might be—it’s the perfect time to talk about exploring kinks together. But where do you even start without making it awkward, overwhelming, or turning into a scene from Fifty Shades gone hilariously wrong?

Don’t worry, lovebirds. Whether you’re brand new to kink or simply looking to add more variety to your playtime, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive in and make kink exploration fun, safe, and full of delicious possibilities!

First, What Exactly Is a Kink?

Let’s bust a myth right away: a kink isn’t necessarily something “weird” or “extreme.” At its core, kink simply means exploring sexual interests or activities outside of “vanilla” (a.k.a. the more traditional or expected sexual routines).

Examples include:

• Light bondage (think silk scarves, cuffs)

• Power dynamics (dominance and submission)

• Sensory play (feathers, ice cubes, massage candles)

• Roleplaying (naughty nurse, strict boss, curious alien—hey, no kink-shaming here!)

• Spanking, impact play, or teasing games

Kinks come in all shapes, sizes, and intensities. The beauty is that it’s all about discovering what excites you and your partner—and how to explore those desires safely and consensually.

Step 1: Check Your Shame at the Door

Here’s the truth: we all have fantasies. Even if society tries to convince us they’re “naughty,” they’re simply a part of human sexuality.

Feeling nervous about sharing yours? Totally normal. But the best way to explore kinks together is to create an atmosphere of zero judgment. Remind yourselves that fantasies don’t always mean you want to act everything out—and even if you do, it doesn’t make you “weird.” It makes you adventurous!

Step 2: Talk Before You Touch

Communication is everything in the world of kink. Start by having an open, honest, and pressure-free conversation about what each of you might like to try.

Here are some conversation starters:

• “Is there anything new you’ve been curious about trying in bed?”

• “Are there fantasies you’ve thought about but haven’t shared with me yet?”

• “I read about [specific kink]—how would you feel about exploring something like that?”

• “Would you like to make a sexy bucket list together?”

Keep it playful, curious, and light-hearted. A glass of wine, cozy couch, and some laughs can make it way less intimidating!

Step 3: Learn About Consent and Safety

Here’s where the fun and responsibility meet. Kink can be incredibly hot—but it also demands mutual respect, enthusiastic consent, and a bit of know-how.

A few important basics:

• Safe Words: These are words you agree upon that mean “pause” or “stop.” Popular choices are “yellow” for slow down and “red” for stop completely.

• Check-Ins: Keep talking during play. “Does this feel good?” or “Want more/less pressure?” goes a long way.

• Know Your Tools: If you’re using toys, cuffs, or floggers, learn how to use them safely.

• Aftercare: After a kink session, many people benefit from cuddles, reassurance, and gentle conversation to ease back into regular headspace.

Consent is sexy, full stop. It builds trust and lets you both fully enjoy the experience.

Step 4: Explore Your Interests Together

Ready for the fun part? Here’s a taste of some beginner-friendly kinks you might want to dip your toes (or more) into:

1. Light Bondage

Bondage doesn’t have to mean ropes and elaborate knots. Soft restraints, silk scarves, or Velcro cuffs can be a playful way to introduce a little power exchange and anticipation.

Try blindfolding your partner for added sensory excitement—it heightens touch, sounds, and the delicious suspense of not knowing what’s coming next.

2. Roleplay

Role-playing Blog

Ever wanted to be the strict boss, the sultry secretary, the daring pirate, or the undercover spy? Roleplaying can be a wildly fun way to slip into different characters and act out fantasies in a safe space.

Start simple:

• Teacher/student

• Stranger in a bar

• Doctor/patient

• Royalty/servant

It doesn’t have to be Oscar-worthy acting—just lean into the fun!

You can check out our roleplay outfit blog for inspiration and ideas by clicking here.

3. Sensory Play

Turn your bedroom into a sensory playground! Feathers, ice cubes, massage oils, and temperature play can tease your partner’s skin and build arousal.

A few ideas:

• Run a cold ice cube along your partner’s spine.

• Drip warm massage oil onto their back.

• Alternate soft feather touches with firmer caresses.

It’s a great way to explore kink without anything intimidating.

4. Spanking & Impact Play

Light spanking can be incredibly erotic. It releases endorphins and creates a delicious mix of pain and pleasure (always within your comfort zones!).

Start gentle and communicate constantly. Ask your partner:

• “Harder or softer?”

• “Like this spot or somewhere else?”

There’s no rush—build up intensity only if it feels good for both of you.

5. Dominance & Submission (D/s)

D/s is all about power exchange. One partner takes the dominant role, while the other enjoys surrendering control. This doesn’t mean anyone’s actually powerless—it’s all consensual play.

You can start small:

• Have one partner give gentle instructions.

• Try a playful command like, “Don’t move while I kiss you.”

• Explore titles like “Sir,” “Mistress,” or other names that feel sexy to you.

Step 5: Keep Learning and Growing

Kink is an endless playground. Books, workshops, online communities, and classes can help you learn more and discover new interests. A few beginner-friendly resources include:

• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

• SM 101 by Jay Wiseman

• Sex-positive podcasts and blogs

Don’t feel pressured to try everything at once. Exploring kink is a journey, not a race. Take your time, check in with each other, and savor every step of the adventure.

Step 6: Celebrate Your Courage!

Exploring kinks together is an act of trust, curiosity, and courage. You’re prioritizing your pleasure and connection—and that’s something worth celebrating.

So here’s your permission slip: flirt boldly, experiment gently, laugh at any awkward moments, and enjoy discovering new sides of yourselves and each other.

Because at the end of the day, kink is about pleasure, play, and connection. And there’s nothing sexier than that.

Ready to dive in? Go forth and explore—your wild side awaits!