5 Ways to Make Him Want You (And How to Keep That Energy in the Bedroom)

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Why doesn’t he want me like he used to?” Maybe the flirting feels lighter, the effort feels lower, and even the bedroom energy feels quieter.

Or maybe you are not even with him yet, and you are thinking, “How do I get him to notice me, want me, and actually pursue me for real?”

Making someone want you is not about begging, chasing, or trying to be perfect. It is about the energy you bring, the way you carry yourself, and how you make him feel when he is around you.

Before we start, let’s be clear about what this is and what it is not

This is not about playing games or pretending you do not care.

This is about:

• Having standards.

• Protecting your energy.

• Being feminine and confident in a way that makes a man lean in.

• Keeping the spark alive without performing or overworking for love.

When you do these things, you create something powerful. You create attraction that feels natural, not forced.

1) Be a little hard to fully access, while still being sweet

This does not mean acting cold or ignoring him for days. It means you have a life, you move with intention, and you do not make yourself available on demand.

A lot of women accidentally teach a man that they are always on standby. Then they wonder why he stops trying.

Attraction does not grow from you being constantly available. Attraction grows from him feeling like he has to show up, step up, and earn your time.

What this looks like in real life

If you are single:

• “I am free Friday. If you want to see me, make a plan.”

• “I have a busy week. Let me know what you have in mind.”

If you are in a relationship:

• “Babe, I can do Thursday or Saturday. Pick one, and come get me.”

• “I am heading out. I will talk to you later.”

  
  

And you actually live your life:

• You go to the gym.

• You spend time with friends.

• You work on goals.

• You post your life because it is your life, not because you are trying to make him jealous.

When you look like you have a life, confidence, and options, you become more attractive. It signals self-worth.

How to keep this vibe in the bedroom

If he gets full access to you all day, every day, it can start to feel too easy. Attraction loves build up.

When you do see him, keep it playful and a little teasing.

You can say something like:

• “Come here. I want you. But I am not giving you all of me at once.”

  
  

That mix of sweet and slightly hard to get keeps the spark hot, especially long term.

2) Speak to his ego in a smart way

Most men want to feel like they impress you. They want to feel like they can make you happy. They want to feel like they can satisfy you. So instead of only saying “thank you” or “that’s nice,” say things that land deeper.

This is not about boosting his ego because you are scared he will leave. This is about being intentional with appreciation, because appreciation increases effort.

Compliments that actually hit

Try:

• “I love how you handle things. It makes me feel safe.”

• “I like the way you think. That is attractive.”

• “When you do that, it turns me on a little, not going to lie.”

A lot of women say their man does not try anymore. A fair question to ask yourself is, “Am I giving him a reason to feel like his effort matters?”

That does not mean over praising. It means noticing the right things and calling them out.

How to keep that energy spicy in the bedroom

Give feedback. Simple, clear, sexy.

• “I like when you do it slower.”

• “Right there. Do not move.”

• “That feels so good. Keep going.”

That kind of feedback builds confidence. Confidence is a huge turn on for men, and it makes them want to keep pleasing you.

3) Keep a little mystery. Stop telling him everything

You do not need to explain your whole life story in one month. You do not need to over text. You do not need to tell him every thought you have. Do not do it.

Mystery creates curiosity. Curiosity creates attraction.

Oversharing too soon can make you feel emotionally exposed, and it can make him feel like there is nothing left to discover.

What mystery looks like in real life

• If you are emotional, do not type a whole paragraph right away. Take a breath first.

• If he is not answering, do not send 10 messages in a row.

• Save some things for real conversations, not texting.

• Let him wonder what you are doing sometimes. Let him miss you a little.

This is not manipulation. This is emotional self-control.

How to keep mystery alive in the bedroom

Mystery is foreplay.

Try this:

• Give him a look and say, “I have been thinking about you.”

• Whisper, “I want you later,” then go right back to what you were doing.

Now his mind is on you all day. Anticipation builds desire. Desire builds pursuit.

4) Make him work for your attention, not your body

If you give him everything with no effort, he stops valuing it. If he wants access to you, he should show up for you. That means respect, consistency, effort, and emotional presence. He should not get access to you for doing the bare minimum.

This is where standards matter. Standards are not about being difficult. Standards are about protecting yourself from being treated casually.

What this looks like in real life

• If he cancels last minute, you do not beg. You say, “Okay, we will try another time.” And he gets one last minute cancel. After that, you are not making space for that again.

• If he only hits you up late at night and you want something real, you do not play into that.

• You say what you want, and you stand on it.

Single women, this is especially for you. If you want commitment, stop accepting behavior that only belongs in a casual situation.

Women in relationships, this still matters. Your man should still respect your time, your effort, and your emotional needs. Being in a relationship does not mean your standards disappear.

How to keep this energy in the bedroom

This is where a lot of women go wrong. They start doing the most sexually, hoping it keeps him. They start over performing, over pleasing, and over giving, even when they feel emotionally neglected. Sexual energy works best when it is connected to effort outside the bedroom.

Try this mindset:

• “I love being intimate with you when I feel loved outside the bedroom too.”

That keeps sex from turning into a place where you try to prove yourself. It keeps intimacy rooted in connection, not insecurity.

5) Turn yourself on first. This is the secret

This is the one most people skip. Men want women who feel good in their own skin. Not because you are perfect, but because you carry yourself like you know you are that girl. When you feel attractive, you act attractive. When you act attractive, people respond to you differently.

Your energy becomes magnetic because it is coming from inside you, not from him.

Ways to turn yourself on outside the bedroom

Do things that make you feel confident:

• Wear something that makes you feel sexy at home.

• Take your time getting ready, even if you are not going anywhere.

• Smell good for you.

• Move your body.

• Put on music that puts you in a mood.

• Take care of your skin, your hair, your nails, whatever makes you feel like you.

This is not about being “hot enough.” This is about being connected to yourself.

How to bring that into the bedroom

Bring the same energy.

• “I am in the mood. Come here.”

• “I want you close.”

• “Tonight I want it slow and deep.”

Confidence is sexy. Period.

And when you initiate from confidence, instead of from fear of losing him, you change the entire energy between you.

Final thoughts: This is about power, not pressure

If you take nothing else from this, remember this.

The goal is not to become a different woman so a man chooses you.

The goal is to come back home to your standards, your self-worth, and your confidence, so the right man rises to meet you. That includes the man you are already with, if he is willing to show up.

You deserve desire that feels mutual. You deserve effort that feels consistent. You deserve intimacy that feels connected, not anxious.

If you want more tips like this on confidence, communication, and keeping the spark alive, stay connected with Confidential Talk.